Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
