We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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