my sisters under your porch take her home
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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