I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize