my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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