yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
