the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize