I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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