I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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