Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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