this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize