Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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