come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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