Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
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