Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
