I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize