oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
