I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
