people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize