if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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