I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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