Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
