he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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