i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
