What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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