We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
