so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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