Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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