dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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