i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
