sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
