dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
