I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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