You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
