i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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