WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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