tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
