I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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