I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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