Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
