Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
