so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
