you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
