Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
they call him Oral-B. enough said
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
