dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
