what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
did you just send me my own nude
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Two words: nipple clamps
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