so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
