Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
