I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
