I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
