party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
