Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
