dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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