I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize