do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
