Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
