Just mADE A PArabola og urine
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
