she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize