Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
