I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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