We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
