I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
