He passed out mid-signature
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
