Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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