Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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