There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize